Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
