I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You have to summon your inner elephant
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
