Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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