So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
