my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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