so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
