I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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