im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
