I could have mohawked her pubes.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I deserve this hangover.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
