Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize