i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
