Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
