I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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