I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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