the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
