I'm jealous of your bromance
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
