im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you had me at cake vodka
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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