At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
