I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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