operation have a gay friend backfired
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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