I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
