I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
