I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
