Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
