I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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