It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
