So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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