Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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