Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
