period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
