Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just forgot I was standing up.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
