I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
