My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
