i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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