Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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