I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
