We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
