He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize