at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
