Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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