I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize