i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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