i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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