I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
