my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
