probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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