so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
