i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
