i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
