how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
