i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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