Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
