The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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