oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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