A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
