i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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