this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
