Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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