dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
