I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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