you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
