I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
