I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You're like the curious george of whores
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
