those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
