Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
