R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
