sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
should my penis look like a turkey
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
