He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
