So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
