My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
