Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
